Larry King and the San Diego Wildfires
Hi Friends,
I was on a flight back from a speaking engagement in Edmonton when I got the call from Larry King’s office saying he wanted me back on the show to help people deal with the mental anguish of the trauma you go through when a life-altering event occurs. Even though I was asked to be on the show last minute, it turned out great. This was the third time in less than a year I have been on the show. (You can see a transcript of the call here.)
The interesting fact is that everyone has a different response when they are subjected to these types of life-altering events. Some people rise to the occasion and become stronger immediately. Others are in absolute shambles and may go into depression. What is the difference then between the two?
The main difference is how we have been conditioned to react to life’s ups and downs and the meaning that we give the event or circumstance.
While we were on the show Larry had one guest who was devastated at losing her home while another was grateful for having her life. She had also lost her brother in 9/11 and in contrast, losing her home now was insignificant. I had to ask myself how I would have felt had I lost my home. After careful reflection my thought was that I would be ok with it. I have learned not to get attached to my materialistic possessions and live my life in constant gratitude of the important things like my health, family and God. My wife on the other hand did not share my feelings, she was very distraught at the possibility of losing our home.
Can it be as simple as what we focus on is what we feel? The answer is yes, however, when we are dealing with loss, tragedy and pain, it’s easier said than done.
Our brains go into an automatic mode of protecting us and release neuro chemicals that enter our bloodstream and cause us to feel the effects of those chemicals.
As everyone has different reactions to trauma, the most important part for us to realize is that love, compassion and empathy is the best solution and to allow anyone who is experiencing their feeling to do so with absolute freedom and without judgment.
Time does heal and the right environment of friends, family and a great community helps.
I take my hat off and give thanks to the firefighters and thousands of other people who have helped all of us here in San Diego.
God Bless,
John
P.S. Here is a link to some of the images from the fires.
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MR Assaraf, blogers and readers
all the storys are very uplifting, comforting and enlightening… I have many friends in the affected area as I work in the film industry .. If you think about it,haven’t we all been affected by this … In my community of friends and co-worker we have all become affected, by those effected, and all are working to help those directly …It is interesting how it can make or break you… But… Aren’t we really all connected in this great world, really what affects one can affect another for good or not ….
Gratitude is really one of the key factors for survival both mentally and physically … I have many story’s to tell, but will save them for my book …
I’m grateful for my understand of Gods plan, my family, my neighbors, my Great Country, my health and this site, where I come and partake of uplifting hopeful writings …
Gods Blessings On Us All
This was a very enlightening interview. There are so many nuggets of wisdom in this that pertain to how life works, in general.
Thanks for all you BE and DO, John!
Love,
Pat
” I have learned not to get attached to my materialistic possessions and live my life in constant gratitude of the important things like my health, family and God. ”
What a wonderful observation, John. Wish a lot of people would take on that attitude…it’s hard sometimes…the California fire did not affect me personally, but I used to live there many years ago and to see it all up in smoke, it really saddens me. I plan on making a trip there in the spring to view the devastation…not sure how I’m going to feel about that.
I saw the fires on CNN and was shocked at how people could be subjected to great loss in a matter of days. I think Larry King got the right party to share on the subject to calm the affected people thank you John for your contribution.
“What we focus on IS what we feel”
I have recently learned this and it is so true.
I have had a hard time, with “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder” for most of my life.
My recent learning from some great therapy, in regards to my thoughts (which were horrific thoughts,memories and flashbacks)
I felt as though with every flashback of being sexually and physically abused as a child, I (it) “felt” as tho it was happening in the moment.
I became increasingly depressed, as when these thoughts came up, and I focused on them, not because I wanted to focus on them…it was because in my mind and body they WERE happening in the “NOW”… also as you say, we all react diiferenly to trauma…my reaction was to allow these memories to stay in my mind, and to look at them, as well as allowing myself to get into the “feeling” place of it (them) meaning the thoughts were actually happening in the moment.
If only I knew then what I know now, about out thoughts, and how to change them, by thought shifting, or becoming more aware of our present surroundings, or focusing on how strong I was to survive such a horrific atrocity…
I would have been less likely to fall into a major depressive episode.
“so what you say, what we focus on we bring about” couldnt be more true!
I “brought about depression” I brought about more flashbacks by focusing on a flashback, and my reaction to the thought and trauma at times was of “disbelief” of how could that have happened to an innocent little girl?
So that became my “focus”
I thought, how could that have happened,???
it brought about more of “what happened”.
This became a vicious cycle of thought and feelings…
it actually brought about the thoughts of “oh my god, what else happened?”
well, my brain answered that question…
and brought about more thoughts, memories, thoughts, and feelings of “what else happened!”
When I learned, from a great therapist who was teaching me thought stopping, thought shifting, and the idea of focussing on the now…and how great my life is now,,,the flashbacks stopped.
The depression lifted, and I gave thanks for my suvival.
I gave thanks to my dissociative disorder coping skills I developed as a child, which allowed me to survive that current trauma,,, and gave thanks to now understanding “how our minds work”
or can work!
My mind now “works”
Quite differently, trauma reaction, and my thought of experiencing a trauma such as losing a home, or material things, is much like yours…
I would become in a state of gratitude for having what I “do have” and be grateful for those things, like love, acceptance,and even an opportunity to start fresh!
This may sound even strange to some people…however, because of my past and present experiences with trauma, and how I now think, has changed tremenously about everything!
I focus on the now, which is great, I focus on the present and my children, grandchildren, my health, and even the computer I am using right now to send this message.
I focus on my present, and future…
my past no longer haunts me, and if a flashback does come up (which inevitably it will and does)
I now have the knowledge, the tools, and coping skills, to shift that thought into the present…and focus on the present, not on the past, or that memory.
My “feelings are then more in a present state of gratitude”
Rather than a feeling of past resentment, discust, or “why me” and feeling sorry for myself and my past!
All is well, as I know Have learned the “secrets”
I sure hope all of this made sense to you and your readers,
this is a difficult one to explain, on how I would feel now if a tragedy, or trauma happened to me now,
especially in regards to “material things!”
with regards, and respect,
your friend
Karin Hiebert
When disaster strikes it seems people show love toward each other and are more careing. For some it is a wake up call, we need each other. I too had my home and everything in it burn. It is a loss of items that sometimes cannot be replaced but they were only things. People are what make the difference. They came to my rescue. Thanks
Thanks for all the great comments. We are all so very fortunate! Life is percious and the things we value most show up quickly when things like this happen.
If I was one of those people who have fires close to my home like the one in San Diego California, I would have tried to salvage things which could be saved and then accept God’s verdict if it would be burned or not. Money, houses and material things lost can be reacquired again as long as you are alive and healthy enough and I would be very thankful still that I’m still alive and that nobody died or lost his/her limb within my family members because of the wild fires. Who knows in the next house that I will construct, I will become even more happy and lucky on that new home. Looking back thru life with its ups and downs, I could always say that even the bad things that happened before have very beautiful reasons why it happened for as long as you are able to move on. I’m a practitioner of Maharishi’s transcendental meditation and eversince my first practice, I’m not anymore so much attached to my material possessions.
Thanks for sharing with us. We are grateful that you and so many others were so fortunate during the fires. We appreciate alll that you do.
I really enjoy all of your blogs. This was especially poignant since I lost a lot of my worldly goods in a fire about 30 years ago, though did not lose the home. I really feel compassionate for those who have lost so much and they are definetly in my thoughts and prayers.
I’m Australian. I’m sure that the hearts of everyone in Oz who lives in the bushfire zone here go out to all in that area who lost so much. I take my hat off to the lady who lost so much in both 9/11 and these terrible fires. If only we all had strength like that!! Luv ya All.Justin
Hi John,
I’m also a San Diegan and the fires came close to my own home and two of my close friends lost their own homes in Rancho Bernardo as a result of this devastating event, so it really does strike close to my heart as I’m sure it does with you and your family. I would like to thank the brave men and women, both professional and civilian, who showed great courage and compassion during this disaster.
Tristan Loo
Thank you for the valuable insight and suggestions you all so generously gave on the show. I would like to add some thoughts. I wrote the following as a result of a conversation with my dental hygienist, here in Florida, after Sept. 11. It applies to any disaster.
I noticed that she was depressed. So I asked her about it. She said she was depressed about the September 11 disaster, and that her kids complain about her mood. I asked her if she had a personal loss, or if she personally knew of someone who did. She said no. So I said to her that I imagine that she has personal challenges in her life, and of course she said she did. I then said that those are hers to carry not the burdens of others. She understood, and felt very relieved and thankful. She later told me that it helped her personally and with her relationship with her children
To my fellow freedom loving citizens of the world,
I feel that coming from Israel, my background in stress management, my metaphysical explorations and life experiences, all together, help me with life and living. I wish to share with you some of my thoughts.
I believe that we must be cautious, vigilant and follow safety procedures. Caution is appropriate action, while worry is inappropriate. Worry affects the worrier negatively, it is paralyzing and it tends to spread, it does not protect people. Instead let us be vigilant and live each day to the fullest, accomplish what we need to and be loving and caring to one another.
Each of us has our personal burdens to carry in life, deal with and go beyond. Let us not carry those that life has not given us personally.
So when we are not too burdened by our personal challenges, let us live creatively, lovingly and joyfully. I believe it is the job of us who have not been personally affected by the incidents, to spread joy and cheer. By doing that, we help each other; we help our youth, our children and ourselves. And in doing so we create an atmosphere of hope and joy for those who are now grieving so when they are ready to lift themselves up from their pain they will have a positive atmosphere to enter into which will be of help to them. And this too will be a help to us in dealing with whatever crisis we need to deal with.
I know that if I were to be personally affected I would need help, but not suffering myself I believe I have a mission, and that in itself helps me feel useful and part of the greater scheme. Yes, I do watch TV; I feel the need to be informed and to have the information to formulate my personal view on things and to know what precautions to take. Otherwise I continue with my activities, try to help those who express their fears, enjoy nature, family and friends, and give thanks!
When I was about twelve in Israel, I was walking home one day in the dark; we lived in a house with Arabs adjacent to the Jewish neighborhood. I used to play with the Arab neighbors, both Moslems and Christians. My parents wanted me home early, the party was not over, and no one would walk me home so early. So, in spite of being afraid, I walked home by myself. Once when I had just gotten home the first shot was heard in Tiberias, not far from where I lived. I had many occasions in life since then when I did things in spite of being afraid.
There are so many fears to deal with, financial concerns, disabilities, health hazards, mortality…. And so many hazards, like traffic accidents, fires, burglaries, loss of job, loss of friends and relationships and many more. The recent events have focused our attention on our vulnerability, but we have always been vulnerable. We have often used the denial mechanism. Well, a little of that is good. We need to keep behaving prudently and leave the rest. The criterion is, can I do something about it? If not, move on. Easier said than done?… Well, we do it every day, and it is a worthwhile mechanism of self-preservation. And as I mentioned before, in doing so we create a positive atmosphere for others and ourselves.
Let us engage in lots of prayers! Prayers for the universe and all its inhabitants! Abundant Resources for all, Peace, Harmony and Creativity!
Let us do our share, starting with ourselves, healing our pains and anger, and help those near us in any way we can, by volunteering or other ways, and support those who act in our behalf.
May the glow of Love wherever it is present spread like a deliberate, persistent and systematic fire, gradually removing hate replacing it with its Uplifting Glow!
Safety, good health, inner and outer peace, harmony and Joy to you and all those dear to you!
Love,
Rachel
Rachel Landau
5601 NW 2nd Ave. #320
Boca Raton, FL 33487
Rhlandau@aol.com
October 12, 2001
Dear John,
The common greeting, “Great to see you and glad that you’re well” has taken on such an expression of gratitude this week in the wake of the fires. Seeing you on Larry King was one of those moments. Living in San Pasqual, the Witch Creek fire struck our neighborhood 2:30 a.m.. The wind shifted and within 3 hours was in your neighborhood. We we’re helping haul out treasured belongings for one of our friends in Rancho Santa Fe at 6:00 a.m.
I’ve been thinking of you, your family and home in the same neighborhood all the time. So glad to see your face on TV and know that you were spared.
Thanks for giving people comforting advice to deal with their anxiety,
Tami
It would be so wonderful if we could be taught at a young age what to really appreciate what is important with positive Family values being emphasized. If we all are taught to honor ourselves and taught what is truly important within us then these outter things and what happens to them would be always put in their proper perspective. Also, Dr. Joseph Murphy had written many books and taught that we can protect our family, homes and more by staying “Prayed Up” – in other words staying in the feelings and consciousness that we are always divinely guided and protected. I have firsthand witness to the miracles of protection and other wonderful events that have happened in my life by living this consciousness.
Dear John:I can just say thank you very much
It is one of the hardest lessons I have had to learn and still learning….I don’t think I am attached to material things however I am attached to a certain feeling and as a woman who definitely “feels” her emotions, I don’t know that I would be devastated however I do know I would have a sense of loss that I needed to grieve but I think that would come after my elevated gratitude of being alive in order to “feel” a loss. There is something to be said about “feeling” it yet not having to “live in it”. I guess that could be like having a sad thought but allowing your thoughts to be elevated upward to happy thoughts. Thanks for sharing. Gave me food for thought today. Libby
The information was empowering, however, I get frustrated with the choppiness of the material presented. Just when valuable information was coming, Larry would not allow John or Depak enough time to expand on their thoughts. Switching between speakers, commercials and victims did not give me enough continuity with the information presented. It would have been an enormous blessing if John and Depak would have been allowed more air time.
Dear John! thanks for everythings!
when i visit your website and read ur massage, it makes me so calm and relax!
From personal experience I can relate to both the trauma of losing everything and the experience of the process after the loss. I lost my house to a fire years ago when my children we young and I was a single parent without insurance to cover our belongings. My gift from that day was coming home to a house with smoke pouring from the windows and thinking my 12 year old daughter was in that house. Going to the door with every intention of going in to find her (there was 3 ft of open space floor level, to hearing shouting from across the street and turning to see my daughter standing with a neighbor. In a flash all that mattered was she was safe and “things” could be replaced.
I have since lost everything 2x a second time to a flood. I just moved to calif. and am grateful to be here and finding new “stuff” is a fun part of the journey.
“Life is what we make it”, is a quote from my daughter who was the one who was not in the house that day.
I a very grateful for this life.